The Push and Pull of Almost Love

They’re not quite a relationship, not quite nothing—a situationship is like ordering dessert without committing to the calories. It’s sweet, indulgent, and you can tell yourself it doesn’t really count. But what makes them so addictive? Why do we find ourselves stuck in the grey area between love and not-quite-love?

Psychology offers an answer: the push and pull method. You know the one. One minute, they’re all in—texting, flirting, making you feel like the only person in the world. The next? Radio silence. A breadcrumb here, a late-night text there, just enough to keep you tethered but never truly satisfied. It’s maddening, frustrating... and utterly irresistible.

Turns out, the push and pull isn’t just an accidental game—it’s a psychological jackpot. According to science, the unpredictability of it all creates a dopamine hit in our brains. When they lean in, we’re elated. When they pull back, we’re desperate to get that feeling again. It’s the same mechanism that makes gambling so addictive—except this time, the jackpot is someone’s affection.

But here’s the kicker: the push and pull isn’t just about biology. It taps into something deeper. Situationships let us live in the fantasy of love without the risk of reality. There’s no commitment, no hard conversations, no anniversaries to remember (or forget). It’s love light—a perfect concoction of romance without the calories of accountability.

And yet, the push and pull doesn’t just hook us—it changes us. We become participants in our own emotional rollercoaster, convincing ourselves that this time it will be different. That the next “push” will be the one that tips us into a real relationship. But the thing about situationships? They’re designed to keep you wanting more, not to give you more.

So why do we stay? Maybe it’s because situationships feed into a very human desire: to chase, to conquer, to turn almostinto forever. Or maybe it’s because the push and pull makes us feel alive in a way that stable, steady love doesn’t.

But here’s the danger: the longer you stay in a situationship, the harder it is to leave. The highs and lows become your new normal. You start to believe that love is supposed to feel like a game of emotional tug-of-war.

So, is the push and pull the best way to make someone fall in love with you? Maybe. But it’s also the best way to keep someone just far enough out of reach to never truly lose them—or truly have them.

As for me? I’m starting to think love should feel a little less like a game and a little more like coming home. But until then, I’ll be here, figuring out how to get off this emotional rollercoaster and into something real. Because while the push and pull might be addictive, I’m learning that real love doesn’t push or pull—it just stays.