The Not-So-Happy Holidays

The holidays are a time of joy, togetherness, and perfectly curated Instagram photos. Or at least, that’s the story we’ve all been sold. It’s the season of matching pajamas, sparkling lights, and glossy images of happiness flooding your feed. But for some of us, the reality of the holidays feels more like a cracked ornament—fragile, messy, and far from picture-perfect.

Every December, like clockwork, the pressure to be merry descends like a snowstorm. You’re supposed to deck the halls, sip hot cocoa, and smile through every family gathering, even if your heart feels like it’s stuck in a blizzard. The expectation isn’t just to be happy—it’s to perform happiness, to show the world how well you’re doing in life, love, and everything in between.

But what if you’re not okay?

What if the sight of happy couples ice-skating makes you want to scream? What if you’re grieving a loss, or nursing a heartbreak, or just trying to make it through the end of the year without completely falling apart? What if the holidays don’t feel like a Hallmark movie but more like a season-long exercise in pretending?

For me this December is particularly brutal. I am going through the "no contact" phase of situationship, the kind that leaves you raw and questioning everything. My friends and family are pushing me to be cheerful and my Instagram feed is a parade of engagements, babies, and holiday parties. It feels like the whole world is celebrating while I am barely holding it together.

So, I did what any self-respecting adult would do: I decided to crawl into bed with a bottle of wine, a plate of cookies, and a Netflix queue of movies that had nothing to do with Christmas. And you know what? That is okay.

Because here’s the thing no one tells you: it’s okay to not be happy during the holidays. It’s okay to feel lonely, or sad, or exhausted by the constant cheer. The holidays don’t come with a rulebook that says you have to be merry—or that you’re any less worthy if you’re not.

Sometimes, the greatest gift you can give yourself is the permission to feel exactly how you feel, no filters, no apologies.

If you’re struggling through the holidays, here’s what I’ve learned:

1. Step Away From Social Media
   The holiday highlight reel is designed to make you feel like you’re missing out. Remember, those smiling family photos don’t tell the whole story. No one’s posting about the arguments, the disappointments, or the moments when the turkey gets burned.

2. Set Your Own Traditions
   If the usual holiday activities feel heavy, skip them. Bake cookies just for yourself. Watch a movie that has nothing to do with snow or mistletoe. Take a long walk and listen to your favorite music. Make this time about what brings you peace, not what’s expected.

3. Reach Out—or Don’t
   If you feel up to it, let someone you trust know how you’re feeling. A text, a call, even a shared silence can make a world of difference. But if you’re not ready to talk, that’s okay too. You’re allowed to take the time you need.

4. Be Gentle With Yourself
   The holidays are hard enough without beating yourself up for not feeling festive. Remind yourself that emotions don’t operate on a calendar, and healing isn’t something you can schedule for after New Year’s.
   

So, if you find yourself staring at your tree and feeling nothing, or crying into your eggnog, or wishing you could skip straight to January, know this: you’re not alone. The holidays aren’t a test you have to pass. They’re just days, like any other, and you don’t have to perform happiness to get through them.

Because sometimes, the greatest act of self-care is letting yourself crawl into bed, away from the noise and the lights, and simply being with your feelings. And that’s not failure—that’s human.

As for me, I’ve learned that the holidays don’t have to be happy to be meaningful. They can be bittersweet, messy, and real. And sometimes, that’s more than enough.