The Fine Art of Letting Go (Or Not)

They say the quickest way to move on from someone is to go no contact. Block their number, mute their socials, and delete the pictures from your phone. Easy, right?

Except, it’s not.

One minute you’re standing strong, channeling your inner Beyoncé, and the next, you’re three glasses of wine deep, scrolling through old texts like they’re love letters from another era. Let’s be honest—how can you go no contact when you’re still in contact with the fantasy of who they could be?

I’ve been there. We’ve all been there. On again, off again, in and out of their life like a badly written soap opera. Every time I tried to pull away, it felt like I was trying to convince myself of something I didn’t quite believe yet. That it was really over. That I was really done.

But here’s the thing no one tells you: no contact only works if you’re truly ready to leave. And if you’re not? Well, then it becomes less about healing and more about resisting—resisting the urge to text, resisting the urge to check if they’ve noticed you’re gone, resisting the urge to drive by their place just to see if their lights are on.

Spoiler alert: That kind of resistance isn’t moving on. It’s torture.

And maybe that’s why, after weeks of silence, we cave. We text. We go back. Again. And again. And maybe even…again.

For years, I beat myself up for being "weak." Every time I broke my own rules, I told myself I was failing. But what if going back isn’t a failure? What if it’s part of the process?

You see, leaving someone isn’t about one dramatic exit; it’s about a thousand little moments of realization. It’s about collecting evidence, one heartbreak at a time, until the scales finally tip, and you reach your final straw. Until you wake up one day and think, I’ve had enough.

But here’s the catch: You can’t rush that moment. You can’t force yourself to leave before you’re ready, and you can’t “no contact” your way out of feelings that are still very much alive.

Sometimes, you need to go back. Not because you’re weak, but because you’re still trying to understand. Because you’re not done fighting for the version of the relationship you wish existed. Because you need one more conversation, one more look, one more disappointment to finally see the truth.

And that’s okay.

We talk about "no contact" like it’s a magic eraser for heartbreak, but the truth is, it’s only effective when your heart has already let go—even if your head hasn’t caught up yet. Until then, the act of cutting someone off can feel less like liberation and more like punishment.

So, if you’re not ready to leave, don’t force yourself into a goodbye that doesn’t feel final. Go back. Cry it out. Love them a little longer, even if it’s messy. Because when the time comes to leave—and trust me, it will—you’ll know. You’ll feel it in your bones, in your breath, in the way you no longer reach for your phone when their name crosses your mind.

And when you do go no contact, it won’t feel like resistance. It’ll feel like peace.

Until then, go back as many times as you need. Because the final straw isn’t something you decide; it’s something you feel. And when it breaks, you’ll finally be free.