Grieving the Almosts: Why Situationships Deserve Real Feelings

They say you can’t lose what you never had, but I disagree. Because when a situationship ends, it doesn’t just feel like you’ve lost something—you feel like you’ve lost everything. And yet, when you try to explain it, the world looks at you like you’re mourning the loss of an imaginary friend.

“Just move on,” they say. “It wasn’t even a real relationship.”

But here’s the thing: it was real. Not in the traditional, Facebook-official sense. Not with candlelit dinners or anniversary gifts wrapped in shiny paper. But real in the stolen moments, the late-night texts, the electric tension that made your heart race every time your phone buzzed.

So, why does no one get it? Why do people think the absence of labels means the absence of feelings?

Grieving a situationship is like trying to explain the taste of water—clear, elusive, impossible to pin down. The love, or whatever it was, didn’t fit into society’s neat little boxes. It was undefined, unspoken, and yet, somehow, it consumed you. And now that it’s gone, you’re expected to shrug it off like an outfit that didn’t quite fit.

But the truth is, situationships aren’t less than relationships; they’re just different. They’re built on the foundation of potential—what could be, what might have been, what you imagined in the quiet moments between the chaos. And when they end, you’re not just mourning the loss of the person; you’re mourning the loss of the story you were writing in your head.

Society doesn’t make space for this kind of heartbreak. There’s no etiquette for grieving the almosts. You can’t call your boss and say, “I’m taking a mental health day because my situationship just ghosted me.” There are no breakup playlists tailored to the specific agony of realizing you meant more to them in your imagination than in their reality.

But here’s what I’ve learned: your feelings are valid, even if the relationship wasn’t defined. You’re allowed to cry over the texts you’ll never get, the plans that never happened, and the version of them you fell in love with that never truly existed.

Because love—or at least, the pursuit of it—isn’t about labels. It’s about connection. And if you felt connected, even briefly, that connection deserves to be grieved when it’s gone.

So, no, you don’t need anyone’s permission to feel heartbroken. You don’t need a ring, a title, or a timeline to justify your pain. The only validation you need is your own.

Because in the end, situationships are relationships. They might not have the stability or clarity we crave, but they leave marks on our hearts all the same. And just because they didn’t end with closure doesn’t mean your grief doesn’t deserve it.

As for me? I’m learning that love doesn’t have to fit a definition to matter. And sometimes, the hardest part isn’t letting go—it’s convincing yourself you’re allowed to hold on to the memories, if only for a little while longer.